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I think what bothers me most about this story is that I stayed for Nurse Cactus not a hugger shirt, and all the other times that followed (he got away with it once, why not keep doing it?). He was the only income earner in the house and I didn’t have or know how to obtain the resources to escape. Finally, when my son was three months old, I just went for it. I packed my son’s and my own things up in one night and was gone the next day. I feel stupid for staying so long, but at the time I didn’t now what to do. My parents had the attitude of “well, you were the one who got pregnant by him” for a long time, and I didn’t want to prove them right (pride can be so poisonous). My ex also liked to tell me that if I ever took his son away from him he’d find me and kill me. I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe that.
My boyfriend (at the time) raped me two weeks after I’d given birth to our Nurse Cactus not a hugger shirt. I still had stitches and I was still bleeding (not to mention frequently nursing a newborn), but he didn’t think it was fair that he was being “forced to” wait six weeks until we could resume having sex. One night, when I was conked right out from exhaustion, he carefully pulled my pajama pants down and raped me in my sleep. I immediately woke up because of the pain – it was like having sex with a cactus, given how many healing tears I still had – and tried to push him off, but he just put his hand over my mouth and kept repeating “just let me finish, I’ll be fast”. It was excruciating. There was so much blood.