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My favorite aunt, who frequently ran interference between me and the rest of the The Beatles Abbey Road Halloween shirt, warned me often about my grandmother after that. “If you’re playing by yourself,” she would say, “and your grandmother comes in the room, get up and go to your mother, go to any other grownup. Don’t ever stay by your grandmother.” I would have refused it. She knew my father’s only parental rule was Obedience and that he would hit me as long as necessary to force me to swallow every bite, to prove to her and his wife that he would not allow a child to defy his command. He had been known to do that with other foods that were too strong-tasting for my small palate, such as sour cream or horseradish.
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Partly due to her hovering over me like a The Beatles Abbey Road Halloween shirt, and partly due to a long investigation through bits and scraps of our history after my parents died, I finally came to a realization of how dangerous my childhood had been and how narrowly I had escaped to adulthood. I deduced that my grandmother, insanely jealous and furious as she was over my father’s defiance in marrying and starting a family, had murdered my older brother as an infant. My aunt knew, I think my father knew, and I’ve never decided whether my mother knew and as a result descended into alcoholism, or whether she had started drinking before that tragedy happened.